I'm a 100% greek
That was almost 5 years ago, the first holloween party I had in my life, at San francisco, a nameless houseparty where my popular spanish roommate took me over. I saw this girl, with the blue lime light, sitting on the stairs. "where are you from" I asked. "I am a greek, a 100% greek", that's all I could remember for that moment.
Now five years later, I was dancing on the stage with the blue lime light, at New Wave of San Francisco. A asian girl came to me:"my friend wants to meet you!" She was almost screaming, you know that loud music. I turned around, there is this white girl of early twenty seems to be very shy. My first impression is: you can never guesstimate a girl's feeling. By looking at her, I would never know she wants to meet me, but she did. We shared a good moment while we danced, chatted, she couldn't hold her smile and I knew she was happy. But she is a b-list girl whom I knew at the moment I saw I would never date. Whatever happend at vegas, stay in vegas: that's what I did. Now I remembered what felicity said, "it's weird to talk about a b-list guy in front of an A-list"...
Wild thoughts
Things to do and achieve in next four years:
1. make to the Olympic team USA or China as a pro-windsurfer
2. producer of culture exchange TV program
3. make my first Internet company a hit at knowledge trading social network realm
Overall, To do things that have positive and visible influence to society as an overseas Chinese.
What if I become a millionaire
With the story of my ex-coworkers at Google become millionaire, I have to set my mindset on this what if. What if, imagine, I have the plenty of money to do whatever I wish to do, what will I do?
I have always been into culture exchange, I always think my homeland China has been mis-represented for many years. It's time to have a change.
I will approach right production company to do a show to show what China is, and to show what America is as well, to lead people into everyday life of different country, but this time, I will take people go deeper than the surface of social misconception: This is what I want to do.
Timing and patience
Why I am alone, without family? Was I made to be happy only when both career and family sucess arrive at the same time? Maybe it's true, I am going upward, everyone had been better than me. But I survived, and continue to thrive. Within two years, that's when both of the happiness will arrive.
Vertigo
The club of brat pack. We are a club of "no" at outside, "yes" at inside.
This is my life, made by me
You are American
Albert, the cooprate chef in our company is really good at what he has passion for: cooking. Thursday lunch, however, is not favorite, not chicken, but Turkey, lots of white meat. When he served me in the to-go box, he asked: cranberry source? I hesitated for half a second, "of course", I said. "yes, that's what I am talking about. You are an American, you need cranberry on the turkey." That stricked me. When in others' mind I become an American? Am I just that americanized?
Everyone got crisis
She told me she is in this "late 20s" crisis and couldn't figure things out. Everyone got crisis, like tonight, I felt lonely, defeated, I felt like crying, I cried when I was watching Felicity, like 6 years ago. Then I see friends, read mails, I feel alive, again. Life is always this up and down.
Revisit "yellow"
It's one of those days, not very busy, got home relatively early, a bit sleepy, a little sad. One of the resolution for 2004 is not to wait, for anything, anything, nothing. Always go for something. I have been doing just like that and time flies without being noticed. All of a sudden it's august. It's close to be Sept now when it'll be four full years since I last visited my parents. I have not been a good son for them. I wonder when the pride of being a Stanford parents is no longer linger, how they will feel about being my parent? I wonder how they feel now. Empty nest. that's precisly the word used for parents like mine: they are proud of their children of being self motivated, successful, and far away. But it eventually plays a cruel game against them: when they need companion, family, grandchildren, I could not provide any. I wonder what I am providing for my aging parents. I wonder when the desire to get their only son and child out in the best institution in the world has long become a reality, what has been left besides the remote pride? I wonder whether it all worths the effort and suffer? I wonder, the easier the life is, the less the quality of it? I wonder, how important is the beauty of my lifetime companion, I wonder why I spend all these time to be alone, to refuse, to close myself to the world of potential love. I wonder whether I am doing precisely it needs to be done to end up alone? I wonder what is inside of me drives me away from family life, lasting companionship? I wonder why I constantly feel being defeated by many things, in fact everything in the life, I wonder when I can get up and face the world with a mere laugh.
It felt good to be a star
It's been 11 years since I last time run for my team. Almost exactly the same happend, in 4x400m relay, Given the last one of all teams by the time I run the third lap, I knew it's time to make a difference, It was easy to catch the first two guys, even though it took me 100 meters to do so, I started to feel tired, leg and feet start failing to listen to my brain, My breath starts to miss the rythm I set for it. I know I was gonna give up. I was slowing down...but so did others, that gave me hope, there were 4 others guys in front of me, and they were slowing down, I knew I should keep it up, all of the sudden, my sored leg started to pick up the rythm, my heart beats were getting insync, my breath, I couldn't remember where my breath were at but I knew I was heading to victory, little by little, I passed 3 others guys in front of me before passing the duty to Gordon who I am sure will be able to fullfill the task, he only had to deal with one guy in front of him since I got rid of 5 for him. 57" for 400 meters, I knew I could be better off around 52 seconds should I not be slowing down. Gordon pulled off 1'02 for the last lap and we won the gold medal! On top of that, I won the 100 meters gold medal with 11"58 and finished with glory of 16x100meters by passing one other guy to grab the silver, given the fact that there are lots of slow people in our team and the champieon team are boy's 16 to 22 years group who are part of some running group, even though none of them are faster than me, but hey, it's the team work. But my parents don't understand why I tried hard to run for this event. They think I am at an age where I should be worring about family, health, and stable job. They know me, but they don't understand my need and dream: I need the box, not the street.
Five and half years ago
Thunder rumbles,
Lightening,
Door closes,
Piano sounds,
Rain drops,
Lovers love.
Felicity won't stop vibe for the love,
when she is no longer sure,
what is supposed to be,
a sure thing.
Track & Field "Star"
I met Gordon, or Zhang liang, at QQ's house about a year ago. He is suprisingly athletic, energetic, open minded and even americanized. I often have a hard time to relate to anyone from Chinese oversea's students crowd since they mostly are uptight, non-althletic, a bit too patriotic, and of course super test friendly. Gordon is different, he is from Tsinghua, China's MIT, or I should say, China's Stanford since I am a Stanford guy:)So Gordon emailed me about this upcoming track field event asking for my help in 4*400 and 100 meters relay, which are my strong hold when I was in college. He even bought two pairs of track shoes!! We practiced a few days which proved my superiority on both events. So the rest things is to wait and see who are the other two stars!
Here we go, Friday evening. Meet Eric and Jiang. We heard a lot about Eric's recent 1'6" record on 400 meters and his excellent training history on track field. Jiang is a bit reserved and humble who claims he is weakest link among us 4. I have no problem with Jiang, even though he has horrible teeth, sticking nose hair like a bush in the nose, and staff engineer title at Synopsys; not my type of friend but I won't give him hard time. After a long wait of almost a fucking hour, this fucking cocky Eric showed up. At the begining, we couldn't believe what we saw: this guy, 80% bald, glassed, with a beer belly, a tree truck like legs and white as tofu's skin. Is he joking with us? Him? Track? There is nothing close to be a track star in him. Zero!! He continued to claim the critical position in the relay like he wanted to run first or last. He doesn't think the trasition rule Gordon described us reasonable and he wanted to change. Fuck! Look at you!!! I was almost throw up by looking him, finally I proposed to run a 100meters to find out our speed. He tumbled first time, and I wasn't even giving 70% energy and still beat him by at least 10 meters, what the fuck do we need this clown for? And my 70% score is already 12"18, I am fully confident I can improve another 1 second if I give it a full attempt. I just don't want to compete in the same league with Eric, he sucked badly. Gordon hurt himself but I think he will be ok. As to Jiang, he did his best and never bullshit.
Seeing her being taken
I can not take her,
Even,
It's sad to
see her
taken
More loving one
....
If equal affection
can not be,
Let the more loving one
be me...
Why don't u put..
your legs on the table and let us have a look...
August 1 SF Chronicle
"I love you, You are Perfect, Now change" plays through labor day at Marines memorial theatre, 609 Sutter st., San Francisco. 877-771-6900 or
www.marinesmemorialtheatre.com
To many weddings, too
many messes
But at least I've hung onto my
Pride
I've lived life alone
But the terms are my own
Always a bridesmaid-Thak
You, Lord!
Never a bride
In your eyes,
The light and heat,
And I am complete...
Felicity revisit
It's been 6 years since
I last watched Felicity,
I loved it,
I was young,
I was in New Mexico's
high desert
Not knowing where I was going;
Never heard of Palo Alto,
Neigther dreamed of Stanford,
Or even,
Columbia,
I, instead,
Quietly,
Loved the drama;
6 years later,
When I heard "Palo Alto",
"Stanford Medical School",
They are becoming,
Things I have done,
In the past,
My research project that sponsered
me the sky high Stanford education,
The days I rollerbladed on University Ave,
The roommate I had,
The ignorrance I showed the world,
All comes down to one setence,
That dean told Felicity:
"I am not saying you won't become
an exceptional doctor,
I looked at your work,
You are already an artist"
That draws the period of her searching,
That predict where we should go...
