Always thinking

Revisit "yellow"

It's one of those days, not very busy, got home relatively early, a bit sleepy, a little sad. One of the resolution for 2004 is not to wait, for anything, anything, nothing. Always go for something. I have been doing just like that and time flies without being noticed. All of a sudden it's august. It's close to be Sept now when it'll be four full years since I last visited my parents. I have not been a good son for them. I wonder when the pride of being a Stanford parents is no longer linger, how they will feel about being my parent? I wonder how they feel now. Empty nest. that's precisly the word used for parents like mine: they are proud of their children of being self motivated, successful, and far away. But it eventually plays a cruel game against them: when they need companion, family, grandchildren, I could not provide any. I wonder what I am providing for my aging parents. I wonder when the desire to get their only son and child out in the best institution in the world has long become a reality, what has been left besides the remote pride? I wonder whether it all worths the effort and suffer? I wonder, the easier the life is, the less the quality of it? I wonder, how important is the beauty of my lifetime companion, I wonder why I spend all these time to be alone, to refuse, to close myself to the world of potential love. I wonder whether I am doing precisely it needs to be done to end up alone? I wonder what is inside of me drives me away from family life, lasting companionship? I wonder why I constantly feel being defeated by many things, in fact everything in the life, I wonder when I can get up and face the world with a mere laugh.

posted by Road less travelled @ 10:03 PM