Always thinking

Eternal insecurity in a spotless mind

The hair looks spiky, eyes look sleepy, there seem to be a layer greesy oil on top the face, that's me, woke up at noon looking into mirror while toothpaste took over my mouth and dirty stinky soccer socks are in lundry with expansive dressing pants. Is this a satisfied guy? All of sudden, I realize all the fight and conflict happening on the soccer field, all the guess and lack of trust toward girls and others are the sense of insecurity. While acting like a fireball on the team, and was ready to fire towards this filthy mouthed eternal loser (he actually is a good soccer player, only he had a really bad tamper and mouth, and now even worse, he injured for nearly two years and looks fat, poor, lonely, old, mostly, angry), I caught in another player's eyesight, "just play the game" he whispered, and run away. Just play the game, it was ever deeply embedded into my memory and I realized, for the first time, I don't have to be on fire toward rude people or hostile environment. It may not because of me that they behave what they behave, or girls act like indifferent that make u wonder...or things make you doubt your entity and existance. It maybe just that they are how they are and you don't have to take it personal? Eternal insecurity has been putting me in defence for all this long...it's time to lose it. And I am ready.

posted by Road less travelled @ 12:58 PM