Finding connections
I have finally made the move to treat finding my other half as a serious task, not just something one randomly feel like doing, honestly, its my responsibility to do that. And I have been really thinking who I am really looking for or possibly happy with. Other than physical, sexual chemistry, I wrote the following piece to describe the personal connection. and I am about to post it everywhere;)
I am a slight risk taking type, seeking the big thrill beyond each little risk keeps me going. I value differences in people and particularly adore those who reach outside of their comfort zoon and social standing, and the motivation of your reaching out is not material things such as better jobs, better pay, better living environment, but compassion, curiosity, desire to live fuller life.
Because of that, I often find connections on the road, with people who travel, who are not still living in the perfect circle they are brought up, who values solitude, self reflection. I guess I feel connected to people who don't necessarily think their life is perfect, who don't necessarily live for their job and plans for the weekend, on the contrary, who believe there is always the possibility to find another person, together, to explore, to suffer, to eventually taste the happiness that is made of pieces of little things in life.
A walk with held hands
There will be a storm coming tonight.
Looking back the first 4 months of 2011, I had mixed feelings. The past two years have not been easy for me, all I had toward my short lived marriage was sadness. I have never been in a mood to go out on dates, meet new people...I am not depressed, not in anyway. I guess it's the hope and knowing that one day I can find my true love...or have I found it before? It has not been easy for her as well, She has been struggling to prove (to me) that she can be someone, she still sends texts, or calls me occasionally saying the words I would have loved to hear when we were together. Last week she even said "I do love you, still do, yes, I do" I was a bit happy to hear that, but my feeling was mostly gone, even though at that moment, a light of hope came to my sight for a short while, I was asking myself: maybe we were destined to be together, after all these happenings, sadness, loneliness?
Yesterday I received the judge's conclusion on our divorce, it's done. I have a sense of relief, mixed with sadness. I texted her right away. 15 hours later, she texted back: good news...followed with a sudden drop of emotion, a slew of difficulties she newly encountered...The instant that I received her text, I knew it's gone, forever gone.
I crave simpleness, drama free relationship. I long for an afternoon walk just holding hands, that is all I crave, a walk with held hands.
More than 1/3 of 2011 has gone, I made a few changes to my life, all in anticipation for someone new walking into my life. I went to China, seeing my parents, went to Japan, saw the elegancy of Japanese life before the big quake and tsunami. I am making headways to a self controlled career, albeit slow and painful, all part of the march toward fruitful, enriched life with someone I love.
