To Caroline: I love you, I will love you for the rest of my life
Hi, Caroline my love:This email is being written in a river of my tears.
I spent the whole day thinking everything, reading everything about you, touching your stuff, thinking one day, all these of yours might be gone, completely from my life. I can not imagine that to happen to me. I kept reading your "stop and think" email word by word, it almost killed me to read that "I wanted to give the love the chance to win at the end of the story".
Caroline, my love - I failed you!
No matter what you did at India, part of it was because my inability to be compassionate, to love, to show sympathy toward you. I was selfish, when I typed out my last insult to you on text on Sunday, I knew it was wrong, but the words came out of my finger, touching the screen, disappearing into the dark universe heading toward you, heading toward you with the evil mission of killing the last piece of love you have left for me, like a sword cutting through my heart, blood rushing out of my vein, slowly draining me, dragging me into the ultimate barren dessert for love. I wanted to pull it back, but failed, when those words were gone, I have disappeared, I have disappeared as a loving human being.
I am trying to go on, only thinking this was nothing comparing to how you felt after I failed you, when you knew nobody in that big subcontinent, stranded within that cockroaches packed, hot, noisy room, frozen terrified, paralyzed by fear, because of me. I want to remove forever the word "penny" from dictionary, no one can find it, no one needs to beg for it. No one can use it as a weapon, like what I did to you.
Caroline, my love, I failed you.
posted by Road less travelled @ 8:01 PM
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