Always thinking

Embrace Steve Pavlina

My friend Paul introduced Stevepavlina.com to me a year ago when he first stayed at my place. That was 2012 Mar., for the rest of 2012, I chased a simple idea of doing a startup, naively. I spent whole year working on the product, dragged my friend into this and kept him out of his family activity for very long time. I did not know any better. I thought it's about the product. I thought a demo at some startup competition is the sign of success. Surely, the "startup" did not succeed, or did not catch on as I surely wished it to. I gave the first 3 months of 2013 to test drive it and tested not working, it did. Whats next. I started wandering, reading, listening, watching, just not doing. I told myself that I shall not "make" anything out of thin air without a good reason. No, a "good idea" is not a good reason. Then what is a good reason? My searching for the answer started. I'm on all my own. No family, Not many friends, No activities. The only human contacts I had was with my contract work and my airbnb guests. My entertainment? Nothing. I watched many movies alone at the theatre, often shamed to be seen and hid myself under a big hat and behind a big glasses. I wandered San Francisco's streets miles and miles with my head often empty, I was wanding alone, not even with thoughts. Simply killing time. I hardly have any natural smile shown on my face. Yet, the only good thing I did to myself is to stay physical, tried to be out doors often, running, playing soccer, surfing, I did not slack on my health. There came the breaking point. I started a "today" notes where I kept a "to do" list and "new idea" list on daily basis. It helped. But I find my thoughts are often glopping all over the sky, there is no trajectory, I was shooting a straight line to the top, I was simply listing lots of ideas without a strategy, I was simply circling, and circling will take me, or anyone to the starting point with time wasted. Breaking point came when the pressure of age, time, most of all, the lack of doing anything meaningful, the belief that I should do much more all mounted to the point that I became the pressure cook waiting to explode. Then I discovered the great Getsby, the movie and the book, even better written. I discovered audible.com that simply reads the book to me. I already am doing so much long walk, I would have read hundreds of books by now since I left my full time job, I would have found my purpose. but I have not. Linkedin's Reid Hoffman's book "startup of you" got me in serious thinking about what makes me stand out, what my asset is, and how I can bring value to others. I recalled stevepavlina.com, the site my friend Paul recommended. At the same time, I discovered the meditation ground in SF: densely tree covered areas within presidio. I started spending sunday morning, noon, afternoon, early evening walking, hours of walking, often mixed with sitting down on a quiet grassland, I no longer get bored by walking, because now I can listen to Steve's podcasting, audible's books, soundcloud's sound stream while walking, iphone made it easy for me to read the book in the nature. As I jogged down just a few days ago: I have a feeling that I'm getting closer to finding my purpose and starting something meaningful and valuable to people. Universe is giving me signal, I just need to act upon and be ready.

posted by Road less travelled @ 9:52 PM