Always thinking

Caroline, Caroline, Carolina Liar, and Ballet

There are two Caroline in my life or memory. Anna wrote me this peaceful piece today from NYC:

"It's so beautiful and luminous here, I bought a bouquet of yellow roses yesterday they're catching the sunlight.
Yesterday, I had a job interview for a teaching position in a school in NY but I don't think that's the job I want to do.
Went to see the doc too, said I'm doing better but not yet fully recovered, I have to be patient but it's not my strongest point.
So today I'm resting and I will take pics of the river in a moment for you."

I have never forgot my ex-wife, the other Caroline, not for one day or one moment longer than 1 hour since the day we parted, almost 4 years now but I can't seem to get over it. She recently hinted on facebook that she is following what I am working on. I took it as a hint for caring, what does a woman want? I read a little she is doing on facebook, suddenly I felt the pain, the urge to be close to her. I felt the pain knowing a woman who loved me, who I still love, does no longer want me in her life, I felt the pain of being rejected, maybe she felt the same when I first did not show enough care?

I miss her terribly.

The same week, I came to love "Carolina liar", a song I can play and sing on guitar tirelessly. And I watched Mao's last dancer, a journey of a Chinese dancer living life's moments through dancing for what he loved. He met Liz, a beautiful all american girl and they got married, eventually Liz had to leave him because love wasn't enough to live fully and be at peace with one's heart. That reminded me of caroline, who left me in search of the land and culture she loved, without knowing what lies ahead for her. I want her happy, but find it hard to imagine her being happy with other men, not me. Is she happy? Is she thinking of me? Is she still caring and wanting what we had? When will we find our perfect dance? Are we each other's perfect dance?

posted by Road less travelled @ 1:36 PM