Always thinking

$1 club and a golden girl

"How much is the cover?" I asked, after strolling on soma for a while.
"$1", I thought I misheard what the bouncer said, but it was true, even at today's San francisco.
This is the kind of music I like, once I ducked into the club, I immediately liked it. It was small, more of bar, dark, projections of music vedio and liquid soap are all over the wall, there was this guy with little braids playing the bass on top of counter, two girls were dancing along, Girls are cute, mostly white girls, but I felt at home, truely home. The line for the rest room was confusing, girls and guys are mixed, there was this Japanese boy with a funky hat standing in front of me, started to chat up, his English was very funtional, sometime when I answered him, he could not understand, more of me back a few years ago. He was pretty laid back, with smile always on his face, made him a likeable person. "Is this the line for boys", a girl came along and asked us, obviously she was a bit drunk...I like "boys", it's cute name, espcially when girls calling us. Drummer Jason was a semi-professional, judged by his way of beat, he has a super cute girlfriend, who standing behind me most of time, buying drink for herself, she was quiet, exceedingly stylish, not in a high-maitainese way though. I had the urge talking to her, either I was carried away too much by the music, which was not the case, or I always have this fear, this fear of being rejected blocked me from so many girls even when the interest is already clear. This fear sometime becomes a stupid self-ego which unnecessarily protected me from being hurt. Do I need the fear's protection? When can I come out of my shell and shadow and tell her: I like your dress, or smile, or just chat up. Look at that Japanese guy, who called himself "J.J.", after hearing my name as "J", he can not even speak English well, but he schmoozed, mingled with those blonde girls, that IS something I can not do, If It took me one night at Reno to break out my shallow shell just to realized what an amazing dancer I am, what will it take to bring me out my fear of being rejected by girls? I can not rely on girls chasing me all the time, I am not hot enough to wait for being chased...I was thinking all this crap while I knew I would miss the opportunity to talk to her, I knew it, all I can do is to witness my stupid assumption turned true. Somehow, music was getting higher, Jason was getting into the role and the beat was feeling alive now, this golden haired girl sitting right beside me started to swing on her chair and looked at me with a light smile in her eyes, we didn't say anything, simply swinged back and forth together, she was delightful, much like ENMU's Mindy, (oh Mindy, my first golden girl)

An hour later, when the party is over and I walked by this little aluminum covered clubhouse, she saw me and touched my shoulder, "good luck boy"...that's all it takes to make my night, a golden haired girl whom we shared a musical moment remembers and wishes a stranger good luck...

posted by Road less travelled @ 11:43 PM