Always thinking

A bit of sadness

I have been back in Shanghai for a little over two weeks now, and in a few more days, I will be back to, my home? But where is my home? While my main purpose for the trip is to spend time with my parents, my nature still drove me to look for fun time whenever I can. The big differences are: old friends are no longer that close, and they all have their own family and business to attend. It's no longer that easy to gather everyone together for an old fashioned fun, distance is growing, sometime I feel hopeless for the ultimate happiness in life. What is happiness, would it ever come to me? Maybe the way I live my life in a fun-driven mood is no longer appropriate for a longlasting happiness? Unity, harmony and love seem to be so intangible, I am so rootless, do not feel at home when I am actually home. Parents are aging, older friends are with their happy family, younger friends are busy partying like no tomorrow, much like when I was in 10 years ago. On the trip to the top floor of Jinmao building in Pudong, I put a wish card on the wish tree, all in traditional Chinese red and xiangsi dou, I first wished my parent no longer lead a hard working life, like what they did for me, how they care for me. While I threw away/wasted hundreds of dollars on entertainment, they saved every penny for my future. I felt sad, I felt like a bad person.

posted by Road less travelled @ 6:25 AM